There are so many things that you may want to say to someone but you hesitate for a variety of reasons of which some of them may be valid and some of them may just be you. Holding your tongue when it comes to giving someone a piece of your mind is one of the hardest things to do because it tends to bounce around in your head for a while and only fester further. Determining whether or not you should actually say what’s on your mind is a tricky proposition.
The old adage of “if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all” or “if it’s not your story, don’t tell it” comes to mind and although both can be true, being silent when something wrong is happening, in my opinion, is equally as wrong! I’m not proposing we all just attack one another, either. What I am saying is, for example, you have a friend that is in a terrible relationship. How you define terrible is the part that you really have to hone in on. Here’s why.
Physical abuse is relatively easy to see and hear and yet thousands of women make the choice to stay in that situation for many reasons, but the major one is fear. Saying something to a person that is already being abused may only worsen the situation. If she confides in you and you then tell someone else who knows him, which can very quickly turn a bad situation into a really bad situation fast. While you may have had her confidence, you now may have caused more damage and harm to her. In most cases, he won’t let her have many people around her that could potentially help her or threaten his dominance over her. Is this a terrible situation? Yes. Is it life threatening? Possibly. What are you prepared to do to help in this case? Are you capable of helping at all?
The threat is real that these women face and even though you may want to help, seeking out someone who can help, professionally, might be a better option for all involved. Keep in mind, the fear that she feels may be greater than what anyone can say or do.
Emotional abuse is the invisible scar that is usually only seen by others if they know what they are actually looking at. Having been around many abusers and studying in that field, it’s easier for me to recognize certain behaviors, but for people that are not trained in this field, it can be very hard to realize what is actually going on. Even if you have no one around you that is having trouble, making sure that you don’t become a victim to this kind of abuse is vital.
Paying attention to these clues will help you not only recognize these traits in your friends, but also in any potential mates you may have. Understand one more thing, the more educated that they may be, the higher developed their ability to mask these traits around others may be. Pay attention to the small details that could be easily overlooked by others.
Gina Olson 