Each day when we wake up, we make a conscience decision on what we want our day to be. Once the interactions begin with those outside of your mind, you begin to alter the choices that you just made. Sometimes these adjustments are for the better and will enhance the positivity and productivity of your day, while others will drag it down. Understanding that you, ultimately, are the only one to allow these reactions is one of the most powerful things in life.
It’s always how you react to any particular situation. It’s always you that determines the amount of effort that you put into things that you do. And, it’s always you that allows others to push your weaknesses into a state of chaos. As easy as it is to blame others, you first have to accept responsibility for your part in it. It’s not like these changes suddenly were thrust upon you but rather how you dismissed them or chalked it up to that’s just how it is. The important part is that you did recognize it and for whatever reason make the decision to accept it, no matter what it is or was.
Being the victim is not an envious position to find yourself in especially when you had the ability to alter the outcome. You see, it’s not me blaming the victim but rather attempting help you to understand that we all make a choice in every decision that we make in life and you are not the proverbial victim but rather an active participant. I know some may find this disturbing and may even get angry, but after some reflection you may just realize that the signs were there all along. After all, hindsight is 20/20.
What can you do to set up this day and every day for positivity and productivity? First, understand your current situation. I have spoken to many men and women that still remain in the relationships that they say are abusive and while some things are unspeakable, the consensus seems to be that they don’t leave because of fear. It’s one of the more deviant emotions that we utilize as it is also one of the most powerful. Understanding exactly what you’re fearful of, what you feel threatened by and what you can do about it are important steps in diminishing the power and fear that the abuser has over you. When you remove the threat, they’re not so powerful after all.
Doing unconventional things tend to throw an abuser off while appeasing the abuser only makes them stronger. The more you give in to a situation the more control an abuser can take which will make it harder for you to remove yourself from the situation. Death is the one thing that you cannot escape from and if you allow threats of bodily harm to go by without immediate action from you (it’s NOT a joke!) then the likelihood of it escalading further has been increased, not diminished.
Just know this, you may have gotten yourself into the situation that you’re in, but it’s you that can also get yourself out of it. Yes, it’s scary and you may have very serious reasons to be fearful, but please also understand this; there are so many people and agencies that are out there to help you. Yes, you can lose people or things, either permanently or temporarily, but staying longer with an abuser will all but guarantee that you’ll lose yourself, too.
Gina Olson 